I am Me

Scribbles from me to you

I am the incubator that preserved my life
I am my father’s hand holding me up to the camera
I am the girl who went before me, whose name I was given
I am the dart stuck in my mother’s hand
I am the swallowing sea defeated three times.

I am the curlews singing among the bog cotton
I am the sun shining on sweating backs
I am the sound of wet turf slapping into waiting arms
I am the ant hills found no matter how long is spent avoiding them
I am the stars seen lying back on the mudguard of a tractor

I am the scrabbling in hard frozen soil for food and pay
I am the water sloshing from bucket to freezing legs on the uphill walk
I am the turf smoke curling blue around the room
I am the tilley lamp and the davy lamp burning…

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20 books I have read & reread

 

  1. Creek Mary’s Blood by Dee Brown
  2. The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
  3. The Ship Who Searched by Anne McCaffrey
  4. Watership Down by Richard Adams
  5. The Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean M. Auel
  6. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
  7. St Agnes Stand by Thomas Eidson
  8. The Incredible Journey by Sheila Burnford
  9. Wild Swans by Jung Chang
  10. The Pride of Chanur by C.J. Cherryh
  11. The Redemption of Althalus by David & Leigh Eddings
  12. The Straw Men by Michael Marshall
  13. We Can Remember It For You Wholesale  by Philip K. Dick
  14. The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice
  15. Ash by Mary Gentle
  16. The Black Gryphon by Mercedes Lackey
  17. Centennial by James A. Michener
  18. The Deed of Paksennarion by Elizabeth Moon
  19. The Crystal Cave by Mary Stewart
  20. The Source by James A. Michener

Things about me

  1. I am the eldest of 5 surviving children.
  2. I was given the name chosen for the girl before me.
  3. I suffered from shyness all my life. Going to Uni in another country forced me to speak out/up.
  4. I have been bullied in various workplaces throughout my life, even today.
  5. My nickname at school was Smelly because when I started primary 1 aged 3 and half, I pee’d myself I was so scared.
  6. I love cooking and baking
  7. My favourite hobby has always been reading. It is my escape route to knowledge, new worlds and travels
  8. I’ve written poetry since primary school but only allowed a handful to read anything I wrote until the past couple of years.
  9. I appeared on a TV show representing my town.
  10. I have an unreasonable hatred of woodlice, which we call slaters whic believe I inherited from my grandmother.
  11. I nearly drowned as a child, three times the sea almost took me.
  12. Since the sea almost claimed me, I have a terror of water over my head, to the extent I have panic attacks if water in a  shower hits my face. Once it even happened in a really heavy rainstorm I was caught in.
  13. I love animals and have had many fourlegged companions, including guinea pigs, dogs, rabbits, cats and goats.
  14. I had a beloved hen, by name Daisybell. She thought she was a dog.
  15. I watch a lot of tv and films and frequently shout at the box if I perceive it to be idiotic.
  16. I sing a lot to myself
  17. I am in three choirs
  18. Sometimes, okay all the time, I have running commentaries in my head
  19. Sometimes I talk to myself
  20. I once almost had a breakdown because my siblings deliberately walked muck over a floor I had just washed. My dad took me in his arms, gave me a big hug and said ‘a bit of dirt doesn’t matter, as long as you are ok ‘
  21. I hurt my siblings when we were young. I used to boss them about and would slap them if they didn’t behave.
  22. I try to do the right thing for me and all around me.
  23. I once fell in winter and cut myself on a glass window hidden under snow. It cut a lump out of my thigh which I carried into the house. The cold and snow had anaesthetised me.
  24. I hate mushrooms. I used to imagine that they had poisoned me in a past life.
  25. I once saw a ghost.
  26. I have asthma which was only diagnosed in the past year.
  27. I gave up meat for Lent last year and am still off it today.
  28. I lie in bed at night worrying about how I will pay the bills. And talk to god, asking for a miracle every day.
  29. I will walk away from confrontation if I can.
  30. I swore at a work colleague last year because I was just so tired of her sniping comments. I felt bad about that. I allowed her to lower me.
  31. I often imagine what it would be like for everyone if I was dead. And by often, I mean almost every day.
  32. The most inspirational people in my life have been my parents and my grandmother.
  33. I wasn’t allowed to go to my grandmother’s funeral. I hated that most of my life. I miss her all the time.
  34. I loved my dad and resented his authoritarianism as well. He passed away several years ago and I talk to him every day.
  35. I try to trace my family tree but finances prevent me from all the researching I would like to do.
  36. I do patchwork by hand and have tried selling at craft fairs. Not a success. People expect you to hand over your work for pennies.
  37. I was part of a creative writing group which published a book of poetry and prose via Amazon.
  38. I have sung on the local radio.
  39. I started going to art classes last autumn and have exhibited with the class locally. I sold three paintings!
  40.  I run a women’s group. Numbers have dropped and I don’t know why.
  41. I work 3 days a week.
  42. I go to a fortnightly poetry group where we read our poetry in a circle.
  43. My favourite animal and bird are wolf and owl.
  44. I get Aural migraines, which are very disorienting.
  45. My favourite poem is The Highwayman by Alfred Noyes and I used to buy poetry books in charity shops if that poem was in them lol
  46. I cry at books, movies and tv shows. Fiver’s death in Watership Down or Tia’s monologue to her teddy bear in The Ship who Searched comes to mind.
  47. I grew up in a house with no electricity or running water. We collected water from a spring well.
  48. When I was younger we cut turf (peat) and laid it out to dry. Rickled (built it up in small towers for the wind to blow through) and bagged it for home to burn throughout the winter.
  49. My schoolteachers complained about my shyness in school reports.
  50. I get migraines but thankfully don’t throw up with them.
  51. I watch a lot of foreign language cinema and tv series.
  52. I always try to treat others as I would like to be treated but am often shocked that people seem to think that means they can treat you like crap!

R.I.P. to a poet

Tonight I attended my poetry group which meets once a fortnight and discovered that one of the members, whose humorous and sometimes risqué poems, always made me (& others) laugh and I always looked forward to his recitations. Unfortunately there will be no more. Paul has gone to join the writing group up above, leaving behind a grieving family and sadly missed by old friends and new. R.I.P.

http://opendoorpoetry.info/TheFutilityOfGambling.html

How to Deal with Emotional Vampires — MakeItUltra™

Written by Eric C., MA., PhD Candidate (USA) Founder of: MakeItUltra™ “Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” ~Unknown 1. Don’t be guilted or show pity Emotional vampires are great at using guilt or […]

via How to Deal with Emotional Vampires — MakeItUltra™